Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize