the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
