Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
