just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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