Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
