life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
