I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize