I just made out with a guy for $7.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
