For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
