tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
