Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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