I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
