i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize