tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
