The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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