apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
