Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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