I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
