So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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