Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
