i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
