her vagine was all disorganized.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize