There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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