She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
