I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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