He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
