Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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