You can't motorboat a personality
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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