his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
