I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
