so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
