just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize