That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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