we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
