And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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