talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
