There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
