I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
