I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
