I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize