I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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