yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
