yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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