Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
