We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
