maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
