So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
