Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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