your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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