so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
