I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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