how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
