She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
