Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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