I wanna bring you to show and tell
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
