I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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