I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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