i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
