I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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