If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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