I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
