you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
