we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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