its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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